Rainy Girl

Finally a day off. Yeah, I sort of realize that I've only worked for three days straight, but somehow I felt really exhausted yesterday night. Today I want to go out on my cousin's bike. As I was going home from work yesterday, i took Jenny's bike because it was in the restaurant's cellar. I rode home and loved it. It really was a long time since I rode a bike for more than five minutes. I loved how my hair flew in the wind after a very hot day of carrying out foods and helping around the kitchen. 

I reached our house but decided to go further. I rode for an extra hour or so and loved the view of the trees and forests around the roads. i mean, we always pass them on the car, but this was different. When i looked up, everything felt closer and mso much more real in comparision to only looking at it from beind a glass and in fast motion.

So today I want to take a look at some places around here. Caroline agreed to coming with me, so I can't wait for the evening to arrive. But before that I have to pack my brother and see him off to the bus stop. He's leaving back home today, because Saturday morning he's flying to Prague and then to New York. I'm trying to block all my envy and bitterness away. I am happy for him, I realy am...but at the same time I just can't get over the fact that he will be laving without me. He'll spend a wonerful summer with our father and I'll be stuck here serving foods to annoying customers whereas I could've been on the castle running around in Victorian dresses or anywhere else.I'm really considering staying here only until the first of August and then just go somewhere where the sea is. And maybe to Prague. I had a dream about Prague and realized I've never been there.
 

Summer's officially started and I'm already at Orava after my first two workdays. I'm really disappointed i don't get to be the English guide on the castle and continue to work at my aunt's restaurant for a minimum wage. Grandmther keeps banging it against my head among other things, but when the interview was taking place, i was simply sure that I would go to the United States for the summer. It seems I'll mostly work afternoons, hopefully almost every day. I'm already exhausted just thinking about it. 

I've been to the local disco yesterday night, but it turned out to be pretty useless since Stana, my only friend around here, wasn't allowed to leave work for the night. In the end I went with her colleague Michael and his friend, another Michael. The first Michael disappeared as soon as we had arrived at the place and the other one kept hitting on me. he constantly felt the need to drag me everywhere by the hand and while dancing he tried to hold me and dance with me, but after lots of trying I managed to shake him off. He reminded m too much of mum's idiotic ex Vlado so much I just couldn't look at him anymore. Then I met a couple of familiar faces, but there was no one that I know well or like. Like I said, Stana is my only friend here, so I'm thinking this will be a pretty miserable month.

Anyway, since i was there and had paid my entrance, i danced there for two hours comletely alone, but I didn't mind. When i was too tired of hopping around I went home to sleep, which seemed to be the only reasonable thing to do. I mean, this is screwed. I'll b here for an entire month and all i will do consists of working, playing pirates with my little cousin and reading. So much fun, indeed. I mean, I wouldn't mind at all if there wuld be at least a little perspective of some good and fun times ahead.

Now I should take a shower, finally have apeaceful evening with my East of Eden (I'm just no meant to finish the book I'm afraid), but most of all do my nails. I worked in the kitchen today and my hands are so damaged from all the potato peeling and dishwashing.
 

I am so lost and can't wait to get out of here. After what happened today, I feel I must get away. 

I was wondering whether to write this and not just keep it to myself, but I believe that no one will judge me in a way, so...

Maybe I've done a mistake and maybe it didn't help a bit, only made things harder to deal with, still i don't regret it.

After a bit of personal hell of Sunday and yesterday, today I found myself in the ex-boyfriend's neighbourhood because I went to deliver a report card to my classmate that was out of the country last Friday. I volunteered to take it because back then I still expected I would be there, visiting the boyfriend. As I left my classmate's house, i walked to the bus stop past his house, feeling abnormally awkward and sad. I was so occupied by trying not to be spotted that I missed the bus in the end. It nerved me out to the point of tears in my eyes. Now, the weather in Slovakia lately consists of storms and raining at least twice a day. So of course it started to rain. And then...I couldn't just sit there. Something cracked within me and I called him because he asked me to give him a call before I leave, saying that because we broke things off doesn't mean we have to stop seeing each other completely. And he still had my sunglasses.

He was surprised at first but he said he was also glad. As I was walking, I contemplated whether to go in or not. I was afraid of my composure falling down, but what do I know...maybe I secretly wanted that precisely. It's strange how my mind and feelings work. He made me tea and we talked some because so many things were left unsaid and I was so upset these past two days that he just walked away as if it were absolutely alright the way all this ended. We got into a little heated discussion and I felt so silly. I mean, I'm here, arguing in my fresh ex's house like an idiot. Pardon me, obviously I'm such an amateur.

We calmed down then and I was ready to go despite the rain, even though he demanded me to wait for it to pass. I stubbornly insisted on going, which made him seat me down, shove another cup of tea into my hands and sit beside me. That's when i got terribly upset. More tears ran into my eyes and I wanted to bang the cup against my forehead, because what irony is it that when I finally let go of him like I wanted to, I suddenly felt the loss so very much. I still remain to be convinced the break-up was a good choice, that it wasn't leading anywhere, but all those feelings...they don't just get turned off.

Suddenly we had our foreheads pressed together, I was forbidding myself to start crying and he was so close to kissing me. My first impulse was to run away. i thought that would be the right thing, the proper thing, but then I couldn't just walk away when I wanted it so. Just one last kiss, I told myself, because at Sunday, we didn't kiss goodbye. Our last kiss was on Monday when everything basically fell apart and it was the lamest, most emotionless kiss ever. But then I still thought we would see each other again. If I had known it would be the last one, I would give so much more into it.

And just how many times this happens to people? We never know when is our last time doing something. And when you get the chance to put it right? Do you just walk away from it?

He just kissed me then, and it felt so strange, like both first and a parting kiss. But with us, things could never stay innocent for too long. We were both very physical beings from the very start. And even though I knew it was stupid and foolish and altogether so off the right track, we slept together. But like I said, I don't regret it because it was just...beautiful. I mean, i could just feel that there was a difference between this and all those other events. This really had the essence of the last one, of goodbye. I know I make it sound dramatic, but I can't help it, that's how it felt back there. And if my feelings are not true, then I don't know.

It took us a while to regain our breath and kind of get in touch with what just happened. The storm was over, just as the rain and I realized I should probably go. We got dressed and had a quick smoke in the bathroom, where he said he's still thinking about that Sunday and whether we shouldn't just forget about it all.

I felt so torn between saying yes or no. In the end I said 'I don't know'. He walked me to the bus stop and there I told him that I'm sorry for barging in on him like that, but I also said that I'm not sorry that this happened, although it may have been a horribly stupid thing. I said I don't regret it, but things better stay the way we decided. I'll be gone anyway, he'll leave in August, too. So what would be the use? The bus was ready to go, so I gave him one last kiss, boarded the bus and went off.

Now it's harder to let go, because how can you when the beauty of the moment was so strong? But it's also better to stay realistic and know that one stolen moment cannot eventually outweigh everything else. So yeah, it's harder to let go, but the emptiness is easier to bear.

I miss him. So much. But I'll be fine, I know that.

And I forgot those damn sunglasses anyway.
 

I broke up with the boyfriend after more than half a year of our relationship. It was my first serious relationship and he was my first love. I feel oddly empty, but it's better this way, it really is. 

I had contemplated the break-up very often lately . The whole thing was driving me mad. It was so hard, though. Sometimes I really felt like the only person that really cares about him, what with his fickle friends and a family that never really gives a damn. I'm a bit afraid that I'll regret it, I'm terrified of ending up alone. He took me as I am even if I can be very imperfect in all possible ways. At times I was convinced that even if it could've been so much better and so much more, I should still be happy for what was, that I'm not getting anything more. Still I only loved him most when he was not around. We almost never called each other just to talk. We had many chances to see each other in the past week and didn't do so. And then there was the last meeting, full of muted intense sex that I'll be sorry to leave behind, but nothing more. The soft touches and conversations afterwards were gone. The calming, comfortable silence pressed heavily this time, telling both of us that everything's different. He really tried to change it, but I think he knew there was no point.

The break-up was fine. We parted on better termes than I anticipated. He left with the hopes that once summer's over maybe things will be different and we may try again. We said goodbye with a hug and I'm feeling so okay right now, so fine, knowing that I'm finally free of him like I really wanted to be. So is it normal when I also feel like crying? He was such a part of my life despite all the bad things. And I'll really miss him.

And I can't really say anything more. I feel so conflicted. Relieved and terribly sad at the same time.
 

 

 

I'm sad about Michael Jackson. Despite all the scandals and craziness, it's sad. His music was amazing. 

In other words, school has ended for me. Almost all the other schools in this country finish next Tuesday, but we've been granted by our Headmaster the rare honor of being cool in at least something when we don't get any trips abroad and such. The grades are pretty good. After all, I managed to scrape enough points for a C in Physics, although the Physics professor kind of felt the pang of that bit of her human heart and felt pity for me. I'm sad about my Bs from History and Slovak. History is my fault and as for Slovak, let's say I found out of a very unique and vulgar way to use the professor's name in a popular Slovak song.

This year has been kind of challenging, just like everyone in the end. But it's been better than the one before this. More laughter, more happiness and less bad luck altogether. Summer's here although I can't feel it yet. I still feel as though I'll just have to go to school on Monday. I don't have any remarkable plans except for working through all of July at my aunt's restaurant. Eventually, though I really want to go for a vacation somewhere by the sea. I really, really want to see the sea, no matter if it is a hot holiday location or the cold coast of Sweden.

This past year I've found out that I'm not stupid when I try enough and that sometimes, academically, I am capable of surprising deeds. I found out how shaky health is and how unbelievable some things can be. I've learned that freedom, as some countries take it, is never entire and that it's a bit hopeless to think that when someone pushes a butoon on their mouse to decline someone they don't know absolutely the right to travel, they're actually sending the person on the way to personal hell of a few weeks. I've learned that love is not always what it's said and dreamed up to be and that it fades quickly.

In two months I'll finally be a senior and in more months I'll be finishing this high school and moving on forward. So many people have done it, so why couldn't I? Sure. Still the thought scares me a bit. But it's okay. What would all this be without a bit of fear? But the time really goes by amazingly and teriifyingly fast.

It's a real nice day so far. After we've been given our report cards, almost all of the people in class went out for a drink and that rarely ever happens since we basically don't really like each other and all that jazz. This afternoon, though, without certain elements of high arrogance and so on, it was wonderful and we all talked and had fun together. I've been also wearing a dress and finally learned how to walk in high heels without tripping three times per one street. My legs hurt like hell and I'm looking forward to my sneakers for the night, but it felt nice feeling so pretty today.

So, summer's on bitches and I'm prepared to make the best of it in every possible way that might occur.

Finally.
 

Thanks everyone that replied to my previous two entries full of spite and sadness, whether it was a stupid meaningless D from Physics or the fact that I won´t be seeing my dad for God knows how long still. I feel better than the day before yesterday, the pain and anger have kind of ebbed away. As usual I ran away to Orava, and in an hour I´ll be leaving to go help at my aunt´s restaurant. I don´t really give a damn that it´ still Friday and that I should be in school fixing my grade from French. I don´t care really. 

I´ll try to write about something happier and better soon, once I have more time and such because the past days with all my finals were crazy and I´m still suffering from the awful deficit of sleep. But I can´t be depressed for too long, it never does good to anyone. There is a time for pain just as there is time to pick ourselves again and do something else.

So, thanks everyone again for your kind words, sorry I´ve been neglecting the flist lately. Now I´m off to read a bit of East of Eden and get ready for work.
 

I've been denied travel to the USA while my 12 year old brother has. All the dreams are crushed. I won't be seeing my father after eight years. I won't see the place again, i won't meet all those other people. 

They denied my application the second time without giving me a solid reason. As if I were someone dangerous or not appropriate for the country.

I have been crying the entire day. I can't even talk, because my throat is constricted and I'm too tired to utter a word as a reply to any question.

I have no words.
 

I'm definitely going to have a D in Physics!

*smashes herself against the floor and bawls*

I feel like the stupidest person on earth.
 

Life is crazy. I can't wait for the bloody year to be over. Everything is bad bad bad right now. School is draining me. This is the first time I've been on the internet in the past four days. I believe it's one of those personal records. I've been away at Orava for the weekend anyway and I'm planning to go there this Thursday evening again. I'll work at aunt Mary's restaurant, because I desperately need money just as I desperately need to go back to Orava.

I went to see my good friend Stana there on Friday, but I'm not so inclined on seeing her so soon again. I love her to bits, but I'm so tired from listening how everyone's crazy about her, how succesful she is and how all the guys adore her either for her sense of humor or beauty or all those other things. Yes, call me jealous, you'll be right. I'm not ugly, maybe I'm not even fat, but I'm definitely overweight and I have issues. Sometimes I just feel so...weird and not very nice when someone keeps informing me of all the interest around them when I have none just because of the way I look. Or because of the way I just can't be. Because I'm me and I'm hard to approach or like. Eventually it's my fault probably, but my acknowledgment of this truth doesn't really make it easier to bear.

So, I'll do some work, earn a bit of money and spend time with the family, ignoring grandma who litterally does nothing else except pissing me off. She sees it her duty to bitch about us going to church, about us having the best grades and about us not standing out in any way, not being our own and just living the way we are supposed to according to her beliefs and what she thinks is right. Well, kiss my ass, grandma. I honestly cannot remember a day when we had a nice talk, when you comforted me, when you said something that was at least a bit nice.

Ah, the days are long and I still have a shitload of things to do before Thursday so I'll just take a shower, eat a grapefruit and spend the evening watching some television with my mum.

please someone get me out of that cab


 

I can't help it. Every single time I watch Castaway, even if only on the sides of other activities...

I weep when Wilson goes.

I weep like a little child that had fallen to the ground and scraped his knee for the first time. It just breaks my heart every time I see the damn ball swimming away.

Oh God, I'm such a wimp.
 

I feel a dire need to smack myself upside the head. I've done everything besides studying and that was more or less the most important thing I should've been doing. And I haven't even been that much active in other things. Basically I just napped throughout most of the afternoon. That's because I arrived at one in the morning in a gorgeous, shiny red car the previous night. The entire night was very worth it.

Nina, a really fresh and lovely friend of mind, is leaving to the USA today for three times so yesterday was a sort of goodbye party for her. It was just a few friends going out for a beer (although few of us ended up in Irish Pub, downing one shot of tequila after another). At first when she called I really didn't feel like going. We just returned from Orava and I was out running and suffering from an annoying stitch in the side. When I imagined hanging out with all the people I know only superficially, I got scared and worried again as to what the hell would I end up doing there.

But then again I realized that oh my hell, Elizabeth, you dumbass, half your life you've been complaining about people not caring about you, so why refuse a genuine invitation to see a cool friend for the last time in three months? Eventually I ran home (nearly lost a kidney, I swear, that's how much my side hurt), took a quick shower and went to the city. It was one of the best nights. Talking to her friends was easy, because they're all so nice and friendly. It's not like the other crowds that will ignore you when they don't know you and just not take any note of your presence. When the guys came, they just walked toward me and introduced straight away. And they were all great. I'm almost sorry I didn't get to know them sooner, but only now when everyone will be leaving off to college next September and will be gone for the majority of summer anyway. Still better late than never, I guess. And Erwin is the sweetest boy and I think I might have this pathetic little platonic crush on him and his photo camera.

Later in Irish Pub we laughed and talked and drank tequila and danced to the theme from New York, New York by Frank Sinatra. After we missed all the buses, Nina's exboyfriend drove the three of us all right in front of our doors. I'm so glad I decided to go and not stay home, behind the screen, contemplating just how I never have anything to write about.

So, tonight I see it in the colors of The Who, Patti Smith, High Fidelity by Nick Hornby and maybe some Constitution of the Slova Republic after all. I'm writing a test from it tomorrow, the entire Constitution and basics of law. I haven't seen any of it yet.

*is doomed*
 

I'm reading High Fidelity by Nick Hornby at the moment. Anyone know it? I got it from Lenka when she was passing through Bystrica on her way to England. While I'm really enjoying the book, I have to say it had almost turned me into a criminal. Few days ago I was shopping with Ada (I bought a dress! I, with my gorilla arms and dinosaur legs have bought a knee-length dress!) and when I was walking out of some other shop, the thingies at the exit started beeping like mad. Of course everyone looked at me while I just stood there, frozen and red, absolutely not comprehending what was just happening. Then I turned on my heel, walked back to the shop and litterally yelled hysterically at everyone,

I didn't steal anything, I swear, I'm good and I don't steal!

For a second there I really worried something might've fallen into my handbag or what, and I was scared shitless. The sales person was staring with this awful look of 'oh you disgusting shoplifter', so I slammed my handbag on his counter so all the nail polishes and little belts tinkered, and feverishly told him,

Go on, go on, look, I don't have anything!

He looked through my messy things and asked me if I had a book. I said yes, but stated that it was very old and so he asked me to run it through the alarm thingies. And it was the book! Turns out it's been taken out of the library without checking, I guess, because there was the library code. So, everything turned out alright, and by the time I got out I was half-crying from the embrrassment and cracking up at the same time.

Yes, leave it to me to beep at the exit because apparently I steal books in clothing shops.

In other words, i've been to take care of my new passport, but maybe it will be useless because of the swine flu. Would someone be able to explain the situation to me? Some people are hysterically panicking about it, some keep bragging of how it's just rubbish that's been blown up by the media and so on. It can really affect the way my summer turns out, so...anyone care to explain the situation a bit to me?

Random note: I really want to read Harry Potter again.

Random note number two: I don't miss him and it kind of troubles me.
 

I miss being a child. I miss playing around and doing nothing all day just running around and having fun. 

Spontaneously I find myself at Orava, my second home. It's uncle Charlie's birthday and my cousins had their birthdays a few days ago, so we decided to come and pay a visit this morning instead of the usual call. When i'm here, I can't help feeling nostalgic. I've spent half my childhood out in the garden, especially when I was here for the summer. I miss those days. So much sometimes. I miss playing with barbies and making up their lives and affairs. Anything I found or snatched could be turned into furniture, or a dress, or anything. It'm happy to know that I'm still of the generation that spend almost an entire childhood outside with friends, doing stupid things, laughing, getting into trouble,playing games. We didn't need watches and mobile phones, because we had the light of day to guide us. When it got dark, we simply went home.

We drank sweet lemonades full of sugar, not to mention all the ce cream and sweets, but we were never obese because we ran it all out. Really, I know I love my computer, but with their arrival...everything has gone to the dogs. My brother is never outside these days. His usual use of time consists of Bitefight and playing Counter Strike with his friends on the net. That's his contact, chatting and shooting each other. And he's only twelve. When I was twelve and before I've hit puberty and thought myself too important to go out and play hide and seek, I was constantly out. I was always in trouble for coming late home for meals or bed. I'm glad I have my dog now, because with him I get to go outside every day.

I've been thinking about engaging into some creative activity. Writing really seems to be on hold right now, and my drawings are still either epileptic or the creatures I draw are oddly disfigured. i tried drawing a fairy and she looks very manly:



Look at her muscly legs and expression. A man fairy. Oh and to give credit, I took inspiration from Brian Froud. First I find it easier to have some sort of object in front of me. Anyway, I've been thinking about knitting! My aunt used to knit beautiful stuff and she already said that she could try and teach me something. It would be so amazing.


 

Honestly, sometimes I fail to see the difference between me being too dramatic or me being meant to be unhappy eventually, always searching for something that's not there. I used to think that my unhappiness is the result of me being single, of not having many friends, of not doing enough of everything....of not studying enough, of not living enough.

But right now...I'm really trying and I can't say I'm unsuccesful. I have a boyfriend that's far from perfect, but for me he changed a great deal and he really loves me. I don't have a lot of mediocre friends, but I have a few that are totally and truly worth it, and I realize it. I study enough, I go and run, I meet people and I am spontaneous and I laugh.

Still in the stillness of my quiet, messy room I feel the one piece always missing. The hole that just won't be filled. I know I'm not the only one. Because people have this knack for always finding a trouble in their lives, even if everything else seems good enough. Maybe it's the natural constant need to search for something. Maybe we're afraid that if we were to completely realize our happiness and be content, it would break. I don't think I'm making much sense now, because I'm way too confused after studying Chemistry and just not feeling anything after two wonderful calls I recieved tonight. I'm afraid of this. I'm afraid of going into my usual routine of pushing people away and of hiding and staying on my own, only to end up bitching about it later once everyone turns away after they've tired of my stupid stubbornness and weirdness.

Something feels wrong, you know? And I have nothing to look forward to at the moment. I'm not desperately unhappy, but I'm not happy either. Everything is on the side, but there is nothing at the centre.
 

I feel so horribly sad right now I can't even put it into words. I wish I had someone to talk to. Someone that would keep asking and saying happy things that would make me laugh. But either he's not picking up the phone, or she's not talking to me or everyone else have their own troubles. I don't want to cry tonight, just like that, without a solid reason. But the tears are too close and I'm too empty to handle. 

Today I met an amazing old friend of mine. The time we spent together up on the hill was remarkable. And I could've done something wrong, i could've succumbed, maybe I even wanted to, but then I just decided aganst it. When Peter left, I wanted to call the boyfriend and just tell him that I love him, tell him that I simply love him very much. I have a hard time saying it, but in that moment I really wanted to. 

But he's just not picking up the phone. As always.

And I just don't feel like saying it anymore.
 

Finally I feel some closure and happiness tonight. Ever since Friday I just felt like crying the entire time. Not only was I stressing over my period delaying, but I had a fight with Monice and found out that on Friday I've been a little too friendly with Michael Bipolar. Nothing happened, supposedly I just blabbed strange things about loving him and hugged him a little too tightly topping it with kissing his neck. I mean, it's really not such a big deal. I warned them once that I'm dramatic by normal circumstances, not speaking of when I'm drunk. Most people tell the basic truth when they're drunk, I make up things and get too absorbed in fantasy. Like, I meet someone I've never felt the slightest romantic attraction to and confess a lifelong crush to him. 

o.O

I'm such a loving person, I guess. And I'm not saying I don't have a real big weakness for Michael Bipolar since forever, but this is too much even for me. I've been just drunk and sad for a minute because of the fight with the boyfriend, and he was a good, cute friend close by, taking care of me. Well, no wonder I really adored him in that daze. Anyway, there are certain things every individual does when drunk. I hide when people are looking for me, giggling behind a bush; run across roads; kick off my shoes and run barefoot through the city square; confess nonexistent love to whomever.

But I told him and apologized, and he seems to take it well, so i hope it's all good. And still, he's got his Ivana and he seems to be really in love with her. How can I compete with that? I wouldn't even want to. It just hurts a bit, but I promise it's only a bit, to know that maybe this time, it wasn't completely a downright lie.

Getting quite a few lines off the topic. I'm happy, because I'm alright and I went jogging a real long distance. Usually I don't last as long, but today i seemed to have a lot of energy. And for one it wasn't angry energy, but content and happy energy. Today the running made me feel beautiful and great and relaxed and now I smell nice and am sitting in my bathrobe, ready to watch Erin Brockowich. 
 

I hope you all have wonderful and fun Fridays. Don't get too wasted because I'll laugh at you be worried.

This is what I wrote yesterday. Comes off as kind of ridiculous due to the way I ended up. However, if I don't count the one time I majorly pissed off the boyfriend and said some stupid things to a friend, I was having a real good time. I danced, met a lot of good friends and then Bea came to sleep at my house where we made a horrible mess due to popcorn throwing, carpet climbing and so on and so on. And I can't remember a lot of things, but oh well. I had a great mood yesterday. It's kind of funny I was the one that got so drunk since I hardly wanted to go out and once I did, I didn't plan on drinking alcohol at all. I'm just sorry and paranoid about some other things, because there is a sequence I can hardly remember, but what I don't remember never happened, therefore cannot be used against me. Let's go with that.

This morning was a disaster, but I lived through it and the rest of the day was beautiful. This one girl I don't know all that much but we've met and talked couple of times messaged me if I was interested in seeing a film with her because she just came back from Zilina after her graduation, got accepted to the University she wanted and that she'd really like to just go out and talk to someone. I was worried whether we would have something to talk about, but she is exactly that kind of person that can listen and be interested and you can talk about practically anything.

We watched Harold and Maude, which was one of the best films ever. It's about a young man that engages into faking his suicides and attending funerals of unknown people that meets an old woman that enjoys life in all ways, doesn't shy away from simply taking a car or a police motorcycle if she needs a ride and in her free time, she steals trees from city squares and transplants them into forests. Seriously, watch it watch it watch it. I laughed so hard, because both Harold and Maude were extremely amazing characters. They made me crack up. It reminded me a bit of Driving Lessons, because there too I loved the eccentric Julie Walters and the dynamics in her friendship with Rupert the goofball. What I didn't really like in Harold and Maude was the fact that in the end they slept together. Maybe I'm not open-minded enough, because he was so young and she was around seventy, but it kind of killed the magic. From one hand it was beautiful that love knows no difference, love has no boundaries and stuff, but still I liked their friendship more because it was gorgeous. Still, though, lovely moments, funny dialogues and all in all a fantastic movie.

Nina and I then spent some times in her room, she borrowed me books and two films (that automatically makes me adore her) and we went to sit and have a soda at a nearby restaurant. A wonderful afternoon, one of those really unexpected ones.

I would so go out for a run if it wasn't raining and if only my ankle didn't hurt so so terribly after yesterday. Instead I'm going to do the unimaginable and that is....do homework! Yes, on a Saturday night. I honestly cannot remember when was the last time I did this.
 

Friday.

It's Friday.

Now, just let me run around and giggle maniacally for a moment.

This week was so exhausting, and even though the next one may be even worse, right now I'm just glad I don't have to worry about any assignments and tests for tomorrow. School is draining me. But today was fine, because I've done pretty good in my Math test (meaning that maybe I'll get something along the lines of a C). I discovered I still can have an A from French if I manage to nail the last upcoming test, which means I won't have an A. On Chemistry I had a project about medications I've done really last minute and was really praised by my professor. The more I get closer to anything that has something to do with medicine, the more interested I get. I'm really considering applying to the medical college in Bratislava. And even though everyone laughs at me and thinks I won't be able to do it, I don't care.

Later today I went and visited my former-close-childhood-friend-truned-current-good-friend Maria and saw her little tiny three-week-old baby Andreas. The boy is one of the most gorgeous things I've seen recently.

It was all in all amazing to see the change in the girl. She used to be superficial, shallow and for the lack of better word a real bitch. Her room was full of Marilyn Manson and Shakira posters, with clothes sprawled everywhere, nail polishes and make-up kits resting on every surface of her desk and shelves. Now the room is full of baby stuff, sporting everything a mother needs, looking wonderful and smelling so nice I simply cannot define it. And she...she threw everything away, realized all her mistakes and is dealing with the consequences rather responsibly and lovingly. Something I would never expect from her before. It's obvious she loves her son with every fiber of her being. Motherhood really did change her. Still, she turned eighteen two months ago, I think, and it's going to be real tough for her. But I'm happy that she's got such a great attitude and that she also has a loving family that is really so helpful.

And now I'm off to the city with Bea and other friends, which is a rather spontaneous choice (I was in a bad mood, moping around the house, refusing to go anywhere) to have a drink or two or eight. No boyfriend for tonight, I hope. I feel like spending the night out with only my friends. I haven't seen him since my drunken mermaid-y Tuesday and I really don't mind. I need my personal space.

I hope you all have wonderful and fun Fridays. Don't get too wasted because I'll laugh at you be worried.

*blows a kiss*

I feel like smacking half of my classmates. They can't agree on anything, they don't know the fucking meaning of the word compromise and they will push and push their own ideas and perferences just because they feel they can. I'm sick of their arguments and complaining that this and that is hard to create and organise, when they sweep every idea they don't like off the table. More specifically, the girls that made themselves in charge. I hate when people take themselves too seriously and act like frozen railings for God's sake.

As if there hadn't been already enough. We also have to deal with stupidity and absolute nonsense every day.

I wouldn't say a word if I were apathetic and ignorant (like most of the rest of the class) to the entire affair the whole time, but I tried to help and when I went into a confrontation, I, for once, dismissed any harsh and sarcastic remarks I was full of, and tried to be civil. But no, they jump into me as if I was an absolute idiot. For a few damn pieces of paper with a photograph on it.

Little children would be quicker and more competent in dealing with this whole thing.

Also, can someone explain to me how is it possible that some people have the actual audacity to take goofy photos in Auschwitz and post them on Facebook? "Oh, look, this is me, smiling, standing in front of Block 6." Just no.

A hard day. I need a jog. First I have to clean the room in order to attain some psychohygiene, open up my Math notes, look into my Math notes and wait for mother to arrive so she doesn't go into another fit I ignored her and went running without her.